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How To Cope With Toxic People by shiny unsal

How To Cope With Toxic People

Jul 07, 2022

Today, we will talk about toxic people and I would like to give you three tips to cope with toxic people. I am sure you have a bunch of them around you and I am hoping that you are not one of them. 

Most of the time, we don't realize that we have toxicity and toxic people around us and we keep going on with our everyday communication, and behaviors and then, boom! We hit a wall. And then we stop and  wonder what just happened, right? If you had experienced one of those moments, you are going to relate to what I'm talking about, you just met a toxic person and sometimes they can make you feel like you are the problem and sometimes they are openly going to attack you. 

And sometimes they are going to go ahead and make you feel like you are the crazy one because there are so many incredible terminologies, concepts from the world of Psychology that you may not even be aware of. For example, a gaslighting for example, you know, NPD Narcissistic Personality Disorder is they actually can make you feel like you are going crazy and you doubt yourself and you shake your own ground and you can even lose your own self-confidence, and you get confused. Because these people may not even be aware of what they're doing and why they're doing. If you ask me, why shiny? Why are they toxic? Well, I'll tell you about this. 

Have you ever heard about the attachment style? That's a very big one. If you haven’t, please, go ahead and Google it. Google, attachment styles and you are going to find out one of the biggest reasons why people become toxic. The way we are raised in our childhood, upbringing, the mom and dad, the immediate environment, what we get from them, actually teaches us how to communicate and relate to others. We learn to create secure attachments, anxious attachment or insecure and avoidant attachment. I will go into the details of that attachment style, but definitely Google it and get yourself educated about it because that's where toxicity begins. And if you are somebody who is curious about mental health and  wants to actually invest in your own mental health, you have to become aware of the fact that there will always be toxic people around intentionally or unintentionally making you feel worse. 

Do you really want to cope with that toxic person? Do you really care about having a relationship with this person? What is your intention? What is your outcome? What do you want? What is your goal? Because of this specific goal, the outcome that you want to receive is going to determine the way you’re going to deal with toxic people. If you decide that, you know what, I am definitely not going to allow any toxic people into my life, then you may not even need to learn how to cope with them. Do you understand what I'm saying? So that's why if you really, really truly need to cope with them then you're going to appreciate these three tips. 

And if you're ready, let's begin!


1. Program Your Shiny Mind

I'm going to break it down in two ways. 

  1. You need to remind yourself to never lose control because these toxic people, they can drive you nuts.  You need to actually program your mind and constantly talk to yourself, that you are the one who is in charge, never lose control. I understand you might have reactions, you are a human being. That's okay, we all have it. You can actually make yourself hurt and you might need to increase your voice, tonality to share your feelings, emotions and how they make you feel. That's okay. What I'm telling you here's to never lose control to a point that you start yelling, screaming and everything becomes ugly. So, you don't want to find yourself attacking somebody with bad words and labeling them. people might start crying you don't want to go to those, you know, moments that are never going to help anybody. So never lose control, be on top of your own emotions and that's called self-regulation. I know it's not easy but it's possible. 
  2. Second way to keep your cool is a more entertaining way. Well, that is going to help you to empower yourself. You might pick a song and moment, something that is going to make you feel so empowered and so good. So, no matter what happens outside of you, you're going to feel so awesome inside of you.  when somebody says something to you that you don't like, cut your own presence and literally do not exist in that environment, exist in your mind, just hope into your mind. Literally click on that mental file. Where you start listening to your own favorite song, where you go to a beautiful memory in your mind and start imagining how beautiful it was that moment and how you felt. That actually is going to give you the boost and empowerment to keep your cool, my friend.


2. Look At This As a Game And Win

In video games, like there are challenges and as you just overcome a challenge, you go to the next level and you win. As you win, your brain actually releases dopamine and then you feel so good about yourself. You feel like you are an achiever, winner and that makes you feel so in charge of yourself that you don't even think about this toxic person around you. Because it's not about them. It's about you. So, make it about you. Look at this as a game and tell yourself thatI'm going to win and give myself a gift for winning this game.


3. Surprise Them With Your Kindness

Do you know the Selena Gomez song?, “in a kill em with kindness”. You can literally kill them with your kindness and surprise them in your kindness and understanding. I have to warn you, this is going to take a lot more than you. Then you can imagine it is going to require empathy, human psychology, understanding, self-regulation and all that good stuff. When you aware that they are a toxic person, what you need to do is to approach and to tell them, Hey, I understand this is hard for you. It is probably the reason why you're acting this way. I totally get it and at the same time, it also triggers me. 

Therefore, you put the responsibility on them and if they are not taking that responsibility, you have two choices, my friend, you can either push, push, push. Try to make them aware and responsible and if they are responsible, they're going to be willing and they're going to do something to correct their mistake, but do they really do it? Toxic people? No, they don't, they don't take responsibility and they are not willing to correct it. So, the second choice is to walk away. Don't get involved. You know what they say? You don't need to participate in everything that you're invited to, so you don't need to participate in this invitation of toxicity.



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