How To Make Others Feel Safe Around You
[00:00:00] Hi everyone. My name is Shiny Unsal. I am the proud creator of Neuroshine Technology, ICF Master Certified Coach ICF accredited coach trainer, and a licensed trainer of neurolinguistic programming.
[Are you ready to shine? Come on. This is shiny one. You got this. If you wanna go ... ]
Today, I want to talk to you about safety and how you as a human being, can cultivate safety and trust in others. And of course, why that is important. Listen, the whole reason I created Neuroshine technology as the technology for truth is this at the core of each and every single one of us as a human being, we want to be safe, seen, heard, and appreciated. This is the fundamental [00:01:00] truth of being a human being, and that's why I want you to focus on this very basic principle when you are watching this video.
When I am sharing four ideas for you to make others feel safe around you, please remember safety comes first. Let me remind you, this is your brain, half brain, and in your emotional brain, in your limbic system, there is a part called the amygdala. An amygdala is responsible for your survival. Not only your physical survival, but also for your emotional survival, the survival of your opinions, values, beliefs, goals, perspectives, ideas. You get the idea. So because of this amygdala, and because of how we are hardwired as a human being, [00:02:00] safety comes first. If you're not safe, you're not going to stay in that environment. Am I right? That's exactly why as a human being, you need to, have to integrate language patterns, thinking patterns, and behavior patterns that are going to make yourself and others feel safe around you. Are you ready? Let's go.
Number one, stop dismissing people's perspectives. What do I mean by that? You may not even realize you aren't doing this. But especially if you have this avoidant attachment style from your childhood, from the way you are raised in your family or in your upbringing, in your environment, whoever your caregivers were, you might be unconsciously dismissing [00:03:00] people. When people tell you, this is how I feel, maybe you are not aware, but maybe you're telling them, no, no, no, don't feel that way. It's unnecessary. That's stupid to feel that way. That's a red flag right there. Stop doing that. People. Just like you have the right to feel the emotion or to feel the need or to feel the desire that they feel, and then they have the right to do so like humanity 101, right? Human rights. But in your language, if you are knowingly or unknowingly dismissing their perspective, their ideas, their opinions, their beliefs. Then you might be making them feel unsafe around you. Why is that? Again, I'm going to come back to the amygdala. Mr. Amygdala. Amygdala is going to do whatever it takes for any [00:04:00] human being To survive and that survival comes with safety. And that is the center that is going to do everything in its power to create safety because amygdala scans the environment six times a second, looking for danger, looking for threats. And if your language, if your behavior, if anything that you say or do, even nonverbal creates this feeling of unsafe or dangerous or attacking type of a feeling in the other person that is not happening. So that's why number one, you have to stop dismissing people's perspective. You have to stop disagreeing with everything that they say. You have to stop trying to be right or trying to be better or smarter. Or whatever, whatever, like superiority, [00:05:00] stuff it. That is the first thing you can do. Alright?
Let's go to number two. Stop criticizing their style. What do I mean by their style? Maybe their style is different than you. Maybe they are a little bit more emotional. And by the way, you can take the personality test. I highly, highly recommend. I also use it in my leadership class that I teach at UCLA, I ask all my students to take that free test. It's a 16personalities. com and then you can understand your style. If you are more emotional in the way you deal with life. That is normal. And if you are not an emotional type, maybe you're the thinking type, you're a more logical type, then you need to stop criticizing if somebody is being a little bit more emotional than you are, because that's who they are and you're who you are, right? So there is no [00:06:00] point to criticize people, to tell them what to do and to actually try to change that. Because it's not in your control, people are only going to change if they want to. And in my Neuroshine technology, I have this one simple formula, change equals awareness multiplied by willingness. So awareness can be there, but if they are not willing to change, they will not change. Which means you are unable to change them. So that's why there is no point for you to criticize, for you to judge them and directly put it to their face. There are better ways. There are more elegant ways, more intelligent ways to communicate if you want to make something more obvious for them, but that is not criticizing. So you have to stop it if you want to [00:07:00] create safety.
Number three. Stop telling them what to do, or what to say. Can you relate to this? If people come, then tell you, Hey, you gotta stop doing this and start doing that. Like, you'll be like, leave me alone. You know, it's up to me to decide, right? You have your own freedom. You know who you are, you know what you want, and you know what you don't want. Therefore, you do not want to be ruled or controlled or directed by others, right? Unless you choose them to do so, right? If it is unwilling, That somebody comes and tells you what to do, you wouldn't like that. So, the same thing applies to the other people. So, you gotta stop telling them what to do and what not to do. Because, as you keep talking to them in that way, guess what? You are triggering their amygdala. And as you trigger their amygdala, they're going to feel [00:08:00] in danger. And they're going to do whatever it takes not to hear you, but To defend themselves to be right, because that's what amygdala does when it gets triggered. It is either fight or flight. Okay. So they're either going to avoid you. They're not going to tell you anything, or they're going to fight with you. That is the survival mechanism. And you do not want to become this violent factor for anybody. You do not want to attack anyone's identity. Anyone's Needs, beliefs, and opinions and perspectives. You do not want to tell them what to do. I guess I made my point.
Number four. So then if you are going to stop dismissing their perspective, stop criticizing and stop telling them what to do, what are you going to do? You're going to accept them as who they are. If you want the same from others to feel safe around them, that's [00:09:00] what you got to give to them. All right. Accepting. Acceptance. Aligning with who they are. I know it is not easy. It's easier said than done. I know. I've been there done that. And it starts with you. You gotta accept yourself as who you are. You gotta stop dismissing. You gotta stop judging yourself. You gotta stop being critical and being hard on yourself, and you gotta start forgiving yourself. You gotta start accepting your ugly parts, even though it's not easy. That's where it all begins, my friend. I know it's not easy, but it is possible and it is all worth it. That's why it's called human growth and that's why it's called personal development, professional development, deepening relationships and cultivating trust and [00:10:00] safety in yourself and others.
There you have it. I truly hope you got a lot out of this video. I'm telling you this is one of the most critical videos you've ever watched. Please keep coming back to this again and again. Whenever you feel like there is Something wrong in your relationships because I can bet you, you triggered someone's amygdala and that's why you are having problems.
All right. So if you liked it, please put a like on it and share it with others so that we can all become aware of Mr. Amygdala and how we can cultivate trust and safety in others around us. And subscribe to my channel for more videos like this and amazing content like this. Why wouldn't you? It's just awesome to be a subscriber member of my shiny minds show so that you and I can create a much better world with more love and shiny minds. [00:11:00] Absolutely. And she definitely love. I'm making fun. That is the shiny one, shiny one, shiny one. Change with fun. And you have lots of fun, lots of fun, lots of fun. You're gonna change with fun.
