Today, I would love to talk to you about how to communicate your negative emotions intelligently.
WHY IS IT İMPORTANT TO COMMUNICATE YOUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS INTELLIGENTLY?
Because some of us are too much in the head and some of us are too much in the heart. If you know you are one of those who is too much in the head. What do you need? You need more empathy, more heart,more heart intelligence and understanding people appreciate their emotions.
If you know, you are someone who is a bit too emotional, too much in the heart, then you need a little bit of logic and thinking, cognitive thinking. So, when you combine and create this balance, now you have the perfect ingredients to communicate those negative emotions intelligently. Here is an example,
When people are hurt because of the negative emotions, they tend to hurt other people.
That happens because we lack some self-regulation which is an emotional intelligence skill. And that also happens because you are unable to decode that negative emotion. That's why I would love to share some tips with you, some strategies so that you can find an intelligent way to communicate those emotions. Not only to yourself but to others. Here's number one.
1. IDENTIFY YOUR EMOTION
Most of the time we are not even aware, how we are feeling; even if you are, we don't know the name of that specific emotion.
● If you're feeling angry, maybe you're saying you are furious.
● If you are feeling frustrated, maybe you are saying I'm annoyed.
● If you are feeling annoyed, maybe you're saying you're angry.
You need to identify how exactly you're feeling so that you can label it to move on to the next step.
2. TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY
Here is the mindset: we need to take full responsibility for your thoughts, actions, emotions, behaviors, and even how to say something and how to listen to someone, then you're in charge. Nobody has the power to do an open-heart surgery on you and put a negative emotion into your heart. That is your system that is your brain and heart communicating and creating and generating that emotion.
Therefore, you are absolutely 100% responsible. I know, it may sound weird to you if you're hearing it for the first time but you don't understand the way the people talk, it's just rude, you know they make me annoyed, they get it.
And still yet we are responsible, you still have the responsibility you're in charge, don't you want to be in charge? You want to be in charge of your emotions and being in charge also comes with privileges. You get to change the way you feel. You get to reframe that negative emotion and you get to feel something else instead which is really powerful so that you can go to the next step.
3. ASSUME THE BEST IN PEOPLE
This is phenomenal. You know how someone has something to you and you start thinking about that person as a monster. Let's cut it out because that might be hurting you, that might be giving you that negative emotion and that is unhealthy and that's not good for you. That's not good for the other person. And even if it is true because I know sometimes it is true, I understand there are people with bad intentions, and I hear you.
I get that I'm right with you and still in order for you to reframe and communicate your own emotions intelligently, that's the word here. I just want to highlight intelligently. You just want to assume the best in them. I'm going to give you an example after I'm done, just keep it in mind. You just want to assume the best and assume everybody has good intentions, okay?
4. REFRAIN ALL OF THOSE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS WITH OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS
When you turn your negative emotions into open-ended questions, is that transformational
I do have an example for you. Imagine you were telling someone you broke my heart. So, if somebody broke your heart, who's responsible, they are responsible, right? They did something, therefore, They are responsible for breaking your heart and let's also go out of the metaphoric concept here. Is it even possible to break your heart?
Not really high. It's really not like a glass that you just drop on the floor and just like breaks into a million pieces, it's not possible. So, you understand that you are in charge and so then you want to communicate it intelligently. Here is how you combine all the other strategies that I mentioned and put it in one simple conversation.
I know your intention was good and still what you did today made me feel really uncomfortable. What was in your mind? Doesn't that sound very different than hey, you broke my heart. You heart breaker, right? It's now moving from complaining and blaming too.
Two, appreciate that it is going on and three, I actually am going to turn it into an open-ended question and reframe it and say, hey, what was in your mind fit assuming the best in that person because you're saying you had good intentions. So, this type of communication is going to save you heartbreaks, business agreements,relationships, friendships, career moves, promotions.
You mean it, making money, your freedom, creating a life. You are going to save yourself a lifetime if you create the habit of communicating that way instead of blaming people and making them feel guilty, that's not going to work. You know why? Because the part of the brain is called the amygdala and that is kind of going to be triggered and they're going to become defensive and reactive and that is never going to work. You're never intelligent with communicating your negative emotions if you stay in the complaint and blame mentality.
