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4 Steps To Un-Own Your Anxiety

4 Steps To Un-Own Your Anxiety

Apr 26, 2023

Hello my #ShinyMinds !

This week my topic is anxiety...

Especially after covid, in my online education programs, in my coaching sessions, in-person NLP training courses, wherever I am, I hear people experiencing higher levels of anxiety more than ever. And I receive a lot of questions like:

- Shiny, how do I deal with my anxiety?

- Shiny, what would you do if you were me?

- Shiny, I have this negative voice inside of me, never leaving me alone, what do I do?

Well, I have got news for you! Anxiety is not going anywhere! It's not leaving you or me anytime soon. It's like our lifetime friend. And let me make myself clear, I'm talking about our everyday emotion of anxiety, not any disorders related with anxiety here. I am not a psychologist sharing ways to cure your anxiety disorder; I am a social scientist, an NLP expert and a mindset educator with proven results over a decade, wanting to make a difference for you.

That's why I wanted to sit down and have a conversation with you about some practical ways to un-own your anxiety and give you some really simple yet awesome tips. Because, you don't need to OWN it.

Ta daa! What a new concept, right?

You can un-own your anxiety, TODAY!

With 4 steps!

Are you ready?

Let's go!



First you need to commit, you need to make a decision that you are not going to own anxiety anymore. You are not going to allow anxiety to control you and instead you're going to tell your anxiety: "Dear anxiety, listen I appreciate you a lot. I know you've been always there for me, even more than I asked for :), and still yet today I'm choosing to let you go. I'm going to control you, you're not going to control me."

That's the conversation. That's your commitment. And that's your decision. Set it in stone! If you don't do it, then you'll never achieve it!

It's an internal belief system you have to create so that you can transform it within. It's not something tangible. You can not go something physical to anxiety because you don't even know where it is. You cannot hold it. You cannot touch it. It doesn't exist. I mean it does exist, but, only in your mind.

Like I always say, it all begins and ends in your mind. And that's why you need to catch your anxiety within, have a conversation with it, and make a decision and a commitment that it's ending today!

It's not going to own you anymore! You are not going to own it anymore! You are going to un-own it! Today!.


In my Neuro-Shine Technology™, I have a very simple, effective and very powerful formula to create change. That's:


Think about it. The biggest problem you have, when you want to solve a problem is that you don't know what the real problem is, and you are not aware that you have a problem. Correct?

I mean if you know you have a problem and if you know what it is, then you can choose to do something about it. Right?

But if you don't even know you have a problem, how are you going to fix it? Solve it? Change it? Right?

That's why step #1, after you commit (because that's step #1), so step #1 after step #1 is awareness. You gotta be aware of your problem/s.

If you don't accept you have a problem, that's the biggest problem.

So awareness becomes very important so that you can accept your problems.

"Oh I have a problem. My problem is that I am allowing anxiety control me. I'm literally giving this intangible thing that I don't even see, some power. Like, here anxiety, this is me, take me." Right?

So, if you don't accept it or if you don't admit it, there is no way un-owning it.


Now we're going to talk about reframing. In my Neuro-Shine Technology™ formula for change, there is both awareness and willingness. 

We kind of covered willingness with step #1 being the commitment and we also covered awareness with step #2. Now I want to talk about reframing because it's a very powerful tool in Neuro-Linguistic Programming™ and we use it in my trainings and coaching sessions and it instantly transforms and blows people's minds.

It's just like looking at a problem this way, you just go around it and look at from this way, or from above. You change your perspective.

That's how reframing looks like. 

Let's apply reframing to un-owning your anxiety. How is it going to look like? Or sound like? Here is an idea:

When you talk to your anxiety, instead of looking at this anxiety, this negative emotion I need to avoid, etc... you can change your perspective and reframe it as a neutral emotion to receive information from. You can reframe your thinking about it and say: "You don't scare me. I'm not going to avoid you. I'm just going to allow you to be. Yeah, so tell me what you got for me. Why are you here? What's your message? Talk to me, I am here. I am listening. Show me what you got. The game is on!"

That's an idea.

You can also create this type of a relationship with your anxiety:

"Dear anxiety, if you were my friend, and if you were driving with me in my car, sitting in my car, I wouldn't let you drive my car because I wouldn't trust your instincts. And I can't put you in my trunk because you're not safe there, you can't breath. So you need to sit with me in my car so that we can find a way to get along. How do we get along?"

So these are two ideas, you just take it from there, just be creative. Reframe it. 

As long as your relationship with anxiety is not negative. By the way negative is not negative. Negative is just in the minus area instead of in the positive area in the spectrum.

So when you have this perspective, this reframed perspective about those negative emotions, they are just emotions, they are just symptoms, they are not real, it's just a symptom, then you are a pro reframer!


Why is our final step to repeat? Because it happens all the time!

So right now, we are in the middle of an online 11-week ICF Accredited Coaching certification training, and one week my students/clients bring me a question, three weeks later they bring the same question again; only to learn that what they decide, that strategy needs to be repeated again and again and again and again. That's how the brain works. That's how we learn. In time. By repetition. 

What did Tony Robbins say: "Repetition is the king of every skill."

What did Shiny say: "Repetition is the queen of every skill." :)

So you gotta repeat. Just like you get up, wash your face, brush your teeth, eat, work, sleep and repeat. Every. Single. Day. 

Do you ever question that? No you don't. Because it's normal.

So that needs to be your new normal. Your relationship, reframing, awareness, willingness and commitment about your anxiety needs to be your new normal so that you can successfully un-own it!

I hope these 4 steps helped you. I hope you liked this video. If you did, please share it with your friends so that they can also un-own their anxiety and together we create a better world.

With more LOVE β€οΈ ️ and SHINY MINDS ...


Shiny Burcu Unsal


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