4 Communication Mistakes You Don't Even Know You MakeMay 26, 2022
I want to talk about communication mistakes today. How does that feel? Does it feel good? We want to be aware of the problems and mistakes we make to solve and correct them. Is that right? I will give you incredible tips that are so simple and effective that you can apply them right after this video.
Please apply my tips right away after this video, and then you can create your magic. If you're ready, let's begin.
Lack of Validation
I got to tell you this one is big. This one goes somewhere deep to your core to your childhood. Think about your mom and dad, your caregivers, and how they related to you. How they were communicating with you and how you were speaking with them. If you grew up in an environment where validation did not exist, maybe, you are okay with that, but if you grew up with a lot of validation, with a lot of love and appreciation when there is a lack of it. Now, your nervous system is craving it, and you don't have enough of it at the minute.
Guess what happens? Do you know that emoji? 🤯 You become like that. You crave it, and if you don't have enough of it, you go bananas, which is why lack of validation is a huge one. And most of us don't even understand what we are not even aware that this is a big deal. And here is the thing, if you go back and ask yourself, what am I missing in my relationships and communication with others? You're going to realize that validation plays a considerable role.
Validation goes like this: I understand why you might be thinking that way, and at the same time, I'm wondering if you can look at it from another perspective. What did I do here? What I did is I validated. I said I understood. That is validation.
When you dismiss people's perspectives, that is a massive trigger to Amygdala! So, you got to remember to watch previous videos; if you haven't already heard anything about Amygdala.
Amygdala will be triggered when you don't validate people and dismiss their perspectives. When you avoid validating their ideas, beliefs, and what they say. It is such a no, no. That's why you want to start by saying I understand what you're saying. I hear what you're saying. I see what you're saying. Those types of things will create a sense of validation, and that's why you want to become aware of this lack of validation mistake that you might be making, my dear Shiny mind.
Lack of Listening
This one is obvious. As I always say, we don't pay enough attention and appreciate the importance of listening as much as we appreciate talking. Therefore, when you think of communication, maybe you are thinking about the words you use, a selection of the words that come together to create your everyday relationship with others.
Think about it; there is also this part where you receive communication and gather information from others. And that's called listening. If you make this mistake and don't listen to people actively, that is what we have in the world of coaching. There is a skill called active listening. And if you lack active listening, you are lost in your thinking.
I'll give you an example, my dear mommy keeps receiving coaching and training from me every single day, and now I can tell you after like 7,8 years, now she is learning. Before she was aware, she was listening to me, and the moment she would hear my story, it would totally become about her. Like I would tell her, "Mom, I want to go on a vacation." "Mom, I want to travel." "Mom, I have a project." "Mom, I going to do this." Whenever I share something with her, she would take it, and then it would be about her, and then she would start telling me what she felt about it and how she would do it.
Don't pack a lot of things! You know it will be heavy; get a little carry-on! Don't carry those like big suitcases they are heavy! It is not suitable for your back! What about me? So, this is an excellent example if you're doing it. Suppose you lack active listening; that is a huge problem. Stop doing that. Stop making things about you, my dear Shiny mind.
If you want to be a Shiny mind, that's where it begins. You got to start listening to people from their perspectives. It's not about you, what you think, how you want to do things, and how you would see it from your perspective. Not about you...
Giving people unsolicited advice
Oh, my goodness Shinyness, this one kills me. This one literally triggers my Amygdala. It goes all the way back to my "Attachment Style" with my parents. Specifically, my father, we all have this. So, when you look at your communication style, I want you to look at your childhood and how you would communicate with your mom and dad and maybe your sisters and brothers and your immediate family members and caregivers around you.
They are all shaped when we were little, 0-2 to 6. And so, giving people unsolicited advice sounds like this, oh you know what, the other day I just had an incredible feeling that I wasn't going to able to finish what I'm working on. And then you come in after you hear this and say, "Oh, you know what, don't worry about it, it happens." you know what you should do? The other day I read the book; this book is just so good. You should just read that book, and then I owe it, and I just know a great guy who will be able to help you. I'll give you his number, and then you can contact him, and he's just going to take care of what you need.
Oh, my goodness Shinyness, please STOP doing this, my beautiful Shiny mind. Why? Because this person did not ask for your advice. This person came to you sharing a problem openly and never asked for your advice and solution to the problem. This person never asks you to solve her problem. So, this is so big. This is one of the biggest problems in the world. Seriously, I'm just going to share one of the biggest problems in the world that you all want to solve people's problem. So, stop doing that. This is a huge communication mistake.
What can you do instead? You can ask permission and ask the other person as I hear what you are saying; this sounds like it is heavy on you. What would you like to do? Do you want me to give you some ideas? Some opinions? Some advice? Do you want me to solve your problem? Or do you want me to sit here and listen to you so that you can lend it? That's what you can do.
Lack of Acknowledgement
When you are communicating with people, your lack of acknowledgment means that you forget to say thank you and appreciate what they mean to you. You forget or maybe are thinking about giving credit to people. Don't you have those moments when you know you just came up with a great idea? And then the other person in the room or your team takes your idea, and they own it.
I experienced so many of those in my advertising career, and that would kill me literally, painful. So, stop doing it; that's a huge communication problem and start giving people acknowledgment. It's not going to make you look bad; on the opposite. It is going to make you look fantastic. You will provide people with appreciation, and they will appreciate you more when you appreciate them.
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